Calling all Single Electricians!

Calling all single electricians! I have decided after what can only be described as an evening from hell that I need to get a boyfriend and he needs to be an electrician.


So I got home from work and for a change I had a clean saucepan. So I heated myself up a nice tin of Chicken Jalfrezi cracked open a bottle of wine, started writing to you guys and bedded down for the night. It was supposed to be a rare but enjoyable relaxing evening. I should be so fucking lucky.

There are three things I HATE in this world. I do not use this word lightly. 1. Spiders ( I left my last mooring because there were too many spiders in the willow trees over my boat) 2. WIFI and 3. Electricity. Spiders are an irrational fear and being scared of them is something that irritates me all the time but engines and electric I can explain…so here goes.

659_10153844671366259_713187256954489206_nI cannot stand things that I cannot see. My wifi stops working, I phone the company and they tell me I’ve used the whole 50gb. I just don’t by it, what is a GB, how do I know I’ve used it. Sometimes it lasts a month sometimes it lasts a week and I’m pretty routine in my use of it so it never varies that much. I’m absolutely convinced that the bastards make it up as they go along just to rip us all off. If there was any truth in it then why is mobile data so expensive yet you can get unlimited wifi for £3 a month! Where is the logic in that?!? Anyway that little rant has absolutely nothing to do with why I started writing this blog.

Electricity, now that’s a real pain in my arse. Anyone who lives on a slightly bodgy boat and doesn’t have a lot of money to spend on solar panels will know that trying to live a life off of a single extension lead is nearly impossible. Especially in the winter.

Back to the curry, on the hob bubbling away and out of nowhere I’m plunged into darkness. I figured it was just the fuse so I went to flick it but everyone else in the yard had power so it wasn’t that. Here starts the nasty process of elimination, like WIFI you cannot see electricity so you cannot tell what’s broken, unlike on a nice wooden boat. I hate this process, it always involves a horrendous birds nest of cables, spiders hovering over fuse boxes and I’ve never got the right dam screwdriver. After far too much time spent jumping over puddles, trying not to slip on the ice and wrapping old fuses in tinfoil I discover my reel has overheated and melted itself together. Great. I don’t have a spare. Extension leads never come with instructions which infuriates me, they break all the time! I mean baked beans come with instructions for fuck sake!

In my opinion the one purpose of an extension lead is to transfer power to where I want it to be and if the main circuit is beefy enough this should be possible without limitations. I phoned my old man to try and decipher what had gone wrong and he let me know that running 2 heaters was too much power for the cable. I mean seriously! You’ve got one job Mr extension lead and you can’t make it happen. Two heaters is not an unreasonable fucking request! If the cable has to be thicker to run more than one thing then why on earth don’t they just make them thicker in the first place to save us all the trouble?

So, with my new found knowledge of this unbelievably illogical wizardry I unpeeled my extension lead ready to fix it. Of course, then the inadequate battery life gives up on my phone and I’m now without a torch, fixing something I don’t understand in the pitch black.  You can tell I really enjoyed last night can’t you.

Despite all the obstacles I managed to fix the dam thing and am now with power again. This makes me very happy. Although now I am sat in the cold because I’m too scared to plug anything in but my lamp. Plus it was so stressful that my week long attempt at giving up smoking hit a hurdle and I caved.1517468_10152193749826259_319074658_n

So the moral of the story is as follows. I need a boyfriend. He must be an electrician. If I can’t find one my future is inevitable. I will start smoking again get cancer and die or I will burn myself to death in the night due to an electrical fire. Please place applications for role of “boyfriend” below.

13 Replies to “Calling all Single Electricians!”

  1. When electric cable is wound around itself, it, in effect, acts as an electromagnet, it heats up and can become over loaded and burn. Unwind the cable and it will be less tidy but more able to take higher load and less likely to burn your boat down in your bed.

    1. Any electromagnetic effect in the coiled wire has no impact in terms of heat. The heat comes simply from pulling too much amperage over too thin a wire, causing the wire to warm up. If coiled, this warmth cannot be shed into the air as effectively as if it were uncoiled thus it eventually overheats and burns the insulation and shorts the connection.

      1. What David said

  2. If you are still stuck with the electrics in a week’s time, I could try to assist. Do PM if you need advice.

  3. Here’s hoping you meet the right Marine Electrician! Yeah it’s a special breed, twice as fussy and hard to snare but keep your eye on the goal!

  4. I’d should examine with you here. Which is not one thing I usually do! I get pleasure from studying a publish that can make people think. Also, thanks for permitting me to remark!

  5. As an electrician who is attempting to build a boat, I might be able to help a little with explanations (married for 23 years so no help in the boyfriend department). The reel probably did come with instructions, unfortunately it would have been written in Electrician, not English. Simple version, more copper in the cable, the more juice (amps) it can carry. More copper means more money, the stuffs not cheap!. Skinny cords are good for lights and other small stuff, but heaters need the bigger more expensive cords.

  6. Jon-Lee Paul Butler says: Reply

    Water and Electric, is this relationship destined for, or will it become too shocking in all depths? Like incompatible star signs, but willing to try! Good luck with finding a sparky, I always see you more for a sailor, don’t ask me why?!

  7. If you use solid core copper cable: every square milimetre of the cross section can carry 6Amperes of current. So a 2,5 sqmm cable is good for roughly up to 15 Amperes.

    If you use flexible core copper cable (strands of thin wires): every square milimetre of cross section can carry 4 Amperes of current.

    First thing to do is to check the power absorption of your appliance, it comes in Watts or kiloWatts (thousand watts) . if it’s given in kilowatts (kW) transform it to watts. For instance: 2,8 kW is 2800 Watts.
    Then divide the number of Watts by 230. The result is the current magnitude (Amperes) that your appliance will draw out of its supply cable. So, a 2.8 kW hob will draw 2800/230=12 Amperes of current. The supplying cables must have in consequence at least 2 square milimetres cross section (if solid copper) .

  8. Lola from Wiv says: Reply


  9. Shame i lived so far away i would have come and helped you. Looks like i am a bit late too. I have only just seen your post.

  10. I am very happy to say that this is an interesting post to read. I learn new information from your article, you are doing a great job. Keep it up.

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